Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
A bitchslap is in order.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
