He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Umm I'm too high to move.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
