Pappa wants mamma naked
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
