Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
