She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
