I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
