I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
