she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
