Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
