Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
