Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
