I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
