My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
