he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
