So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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