What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
