True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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