cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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