did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
