My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
