The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I would fuck him just for his dog
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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