lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
