You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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