the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
