it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
