She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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