Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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