I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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