so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
