Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
