it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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