3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize