This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
