Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
