I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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