Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
