I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
