Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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