Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Drunk is not a location!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
