I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
