LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
