he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize