No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
