The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
