My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
