Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
