Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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