By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
