I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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