a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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